Opening Up

In class, the main excerpt that spoke to me was Hide and Seek by Robert Fulghum. In this excerpt, we hear a man recount his shared childhood experience of playing the game Hide and Seek. It was almost comforting to hear about how Hide and Seek was symbolic of hiding or keeping things from others as we grow up. Being a private person myself, I resonated with that last kid who would stay hidden thinking that the designated kid was still searching for me.

After reading the excerpt, I started to reflect on why I have such a hard time sharing my needs, my feelings, and my dreams. I would see countless people who have mastered the art of conversation and sharing and would get frustrated since I couldn't do the same. I think the biggest part of me just feels as though I am burdening others and need to keep my thoughts and ideas to myself. But the man in the excerpt said it best: "GET FOUND, KID". After realizing that I tend to hide my inner thoughts and feelings, I decided that it was time for a change. Obviously changing one of the most deep-rooted parts of myself would not be easy but I had to take small steps to become the person I always wanted to be. I started reading more books and watching more movies and saw how other characters would start to open up and tried to try those strategies myself.

But a small part of me couldn't move past how I became like this in the first place? Why can some people talk for hours on hours about themselves but I feel weird talking about myself for even a few minutes. Could it be that I had some sort of emotional trauma or that I am afraid of rejection? To this day I still don't know. But I am on the hunt. As I've mentioned in blogs before, I am using this summer before my freshman year to find myself. I want to find what makes me tick, I want to see what made me the way I am, and most importantly I want to become the person I always dreamed of being.

To grow and mature into the person I hope to become, I have to take a risk to form deep interpersonal relationships. Being vulnerable, I have learned, is just being human. Sure, my ego may get wounded or I may get rejected but that risk is required in order to have authentic conversations. If I never learn to share or open up about my feelings or needs, especially with the people I love, I will be trapped within the confines of my own mind and be stuck in the world of small talk. Small talk results in feelings remaining inside and unspoken and needs are rarely met. I hope that I can push myself to find those authentic conversations and as always thank you for joining me on Storytime with Sejal!